A Letter From A Friend…

16 Jan

Seorang sahabat yang sudah saya kenal sejak kelas 1 SMA, which means more than 7 years, TeKa, gave me this sweet letter through WhatsApp..

Then, this is what it said..

“When I got home that night as my wife served
dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something
to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I
observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I
had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a
divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to
be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me
softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She
threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you
are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each
other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find
out what had happened to our marriage. But I could
hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied
her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce
agreement which stated that she could own our
house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She
glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman
who had spent ten years of her life with me had
become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what
I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried
loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected
to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release.
The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for
several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found
her writing something at the table. I didn’t have
supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very
fast because I was tired after an eventful day with
Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table
writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions:
she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a
month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that
in that one month we both struggle to live as normal
a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son
had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something
more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her
into out bridal room on our wedding day. She
requested that every day for the month’s duration I
carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever
morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her
odd request. I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She
laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter
what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce,
she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my
divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I
carried her out on the first day, we both appeared
clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding
mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of
pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my
arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell
our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling
somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door.
She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to
the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more
easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the
fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t
looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I
realized she was not young any more. There were
fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense
of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had
given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth
day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was
growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became
easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She
tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a
suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have
grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had
grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry
her more easily. Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and
bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out
and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time
to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying
his mother out had become an essential part of his
life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and
hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I
was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the
bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway.
Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I
held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding
day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last
day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move
a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly
and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked
intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car
swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked
upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her,
Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my
forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her
hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce.
My marriage life was boring probably because she
and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because
we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day
I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a
loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into
tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the
floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to
write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you
out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a
smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife
in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER
for months and I was so busy with Jane to even
notice. She knew that she would die soon and she
wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with
the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a
loving husband…. The small details of your lives are what really matter
in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car,
property, the money in the bank. These create an
environment conducive for happiness but cannot
give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those
little things for each other that build intimacy.
Do have a real happy marriage!


Thanks a lot, dear.. 🙂

January, 16 2013, 7:55 pm

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Posted by on January 16, 2013 in Flame of Thought


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